Sunday, August 23, 2009

What if......

To Jackie and Rach: the only 2 who read this but that's ok because you're really the two that I like to talk about this kinda stuff any ways.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all of your heart." Jeremiah 29:11-13

"There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under heaven.......He has made all things beautiful in his time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from begining to end."- Ecclesiastes 3:1,11

"I know, O Lord that a man's life is not his own; it is not for a man to direct his steps." -Jeremiah 10:23

"If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king but even if he does not, we want you to know that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up."- Daniel 3:17-18

Ok so maybe these are some random verses, and maybe they don't really seem to go together; but these are some verses that have been on my mind and heart for a couple of weeks. It's like the Lord is opening up my eyes to a deeper understanding of what is will really is for my life. I feel like I get so caught up in the whole "Me! Me! Me!" thing. You know? It's like I want to know what God's will is for My Life. What does he want Me to do with My time? Those aren't bad questions to ask; however I wonder if there what God really wants us to be thinking about when it comes to serving him. Maybe the right questions are in these verses.

God has a plan for me. Yay! That makes me feel good, but does that neccessarily mean that it's what I want for my life? No. It doesn't mean that everything is all a bed of roses and has a happy ending. Sometimes I don't get what I want. But God makes everything beautiful in his time. Sometimes I think that I get so caught up in wanting to find out what God's plan is for my life that I forget to keep my focus on God. If that makes any sense at all. I don't really know how to explain what I'm trying to say or what's going through my mind. I just feel like over the past few weeks God is tryin to tell me something about his will for my life. It's not like he's come down from heaven and said, "do this" or even put some kind of overwhelming feeling on my heart that this is what I'm suppose to do. I can't really explain it as you can tell. I just think that's God's trying to tell me that it's not about finding his will for me in my life. Let me explain. God's plan for me is spelled out in the Bible it's to love God and to love other people. I guess where I get caught up is how am I personally suppose to do that? What is his plan for me indvidually? I think that's a good thing to think about and try to spend my time doing don't get me wrong. However, I think what God is trying to tell me is that when that becomes my focal point it gets in the way of actually doing it. See when I'm so caught up in looking and trying to figure it out I miss it. See, he wants to use me now. It's about looking for the whispers of God like it tallks about in 1 Kings 19. God is all around me. So maybe what he's trying to tell me is to stop looking for his will and to start looking for him. Ok to put it in simple black and white words becuase I know I lost you: I think God's will for my life is not a set out path that says do this and this and this; but rather wherever I am and whatever I'm doing look for God's whispers look for where is working around me and then join in. (I got that from Experincing God.) Maybe I've been looking too hard to find out what his specific will is for me that I've missed the whole point. Maybe his will is just that I wake up every day and die to myself and live for him. Looking for ways that he can use me in that day. Not tomorrow not two years down the road but now. Maybe I need to fix my eyes on him and not on trying to figure it all out for myself.

Ok now that I have you totally confused. I guess what I'm saying is I need prayers to continually be looking for ways that God can use me now. I need to be in the here and now and see where God is leading me now. I think that's what he's trying to tell me. You know, his will is not for my benefit any ways. I'm already saved now my job is to reach out to those around me. So his will for my life might not be for everything to be a bed of roses because it's not about me it's about God. Another thing I need prayers to learn to love with a non-self seeking type of love. I need to love others not for what they can do for me but because they exisit. I need love them with a God type of love. I know this was long and kinda rambeling because I'm trying to figure it out for myself what God's trying to tell me about my life right now. I do know that I need to focus on dying to myself and living for him with every breath and loving others as he would love them with nothing in it for me. I guess that's what I'm trying to say. Maybe I'll have a better understaning of it later and I can explain it better. I don't know it's just something I've been thinking about lately.

Peace out!

Thursday, August 6, 2009

I give in

Ok so I've finally decided to start one of these blogs! I've been meaning to for a few weeks but am just finally getting around to it. I hope that this will be a way that I can keep everbody up to and get some random thoughts out of my head.

I'm so excited about the next phase in my life. I can feel that God is going to do some pretty crazy awesome things through me and for me. I'm getting all situated in Tuscaloosa ready to start Graduate School....yeah, I know scary! I had no idea this was going to be where I would end up 7 months ago. I was trying to figure out what was next for me after getting my degree, but couldn't seem to figure anything out. Finally after months of being stressed out I decided to give it God and let him just show me what I was suppose to do. I guess you could say the rest is history. I was looking up stuff on the internet and somehow ended up on UA's Graduate School page and decided why not apply. It was a long shot honestly, but I met all the requirments and decided to take the shot. I had no idea of the whole idea was just a random thing that I decided to do or if it was really God leading me; so I prayed that the Lord would give me a sign.....A week later I was approached to become a peer counser at a local crisis pregnacy center. I took that as a sign that maybe social work was something the Lord was leading me toward. Then a few months later after giving it totally up to the Lord, I recieved the "big" envelope that said I had been accepted! God has found ways to encourage me and confirm on my heart that this is exactly what he has in mind for me. I'm nervous about the school work. I'm not very smart; so I'm hoping that my passion to help people and the call that I feel on my heart will be enough to get me through the classes.

In other news, I was looking up volunteer places on the internet the other day in Tuscaloosa and found something called "Youth for Christ" and so I applied for it. Then yesterday I recieved a call to meet with the director of it! I've prayed about it and feel like this might me an opportunity for me to continue to counsel and mentor teenage girls which is something I'm really coming to love to do! That is another example of how God is confirming to me that these are the plans he has for me.

Welp until next time!